Poppies and Daisies.

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This is my sanctuary
Jotted with my occasional, random outbursts.

Berate my musings and I not,
Lest for abler pens,
For I do not care.

cheers!

foong sheng qi olivia.
08 february '91

snsj reddds '07
cjc odac BXI

[ 8:12 AM ]

i hate it when people stereotype me. i don't deny that i don't do that but i just hate it when they do it to me. i hate it when people, like my mum, harps on my mistakes. like really minor mistakes and she'll go on talking about it for days.

i'm so sick of explaining myself to the rest out there who stereotypes. somehow it hurts to know what people think and expect me to behave is so dissimilar to who i actually am and how i actually will act. and when i act according to who i am, they get surprised/shocked. it's not a nice feeling and i don't like it. it just shows that most out there don't really take the time and effort to get to know you well enough. i'm really appreciative to those who do.

sometimes i do spastic things, which in my opinion are perfectly normal things, to cheer people up. but nobody actually notices when i'm sad or not in a relatively sociable mood. they continue expecting me to always be cheerful and upbeat and i will just so to not disappoint people or make their day worse.

i can get tired too.

and btw, i think talking is a chore. especially when i have to interact with strangers, sharing superficial comments. i immensely dislike it but i know i have no choice but to do it. i really do try my best to be a good and nice person but it really frustrates me at times that i just wanna tear my hair out. i have to rein in my temper and talk really nicely to someone whom im absolutely ready to explode at and it makes me sick to know what a snake i am.

cause when i do that, what's going through my mind is that flaring up at this person will do me no benefit and i in turn may lose something advantageous. i hate it that i'm such an opportunist. but this is life.

it hurts it hurts it hurts! i don't wanna put on the facade any longer but if i tear it down. i think i'll be the most hated person around. so i can only hope.

i hope most like me for who i am now

i hope the rest like the facade me

i hope mr lim is proud of me

i hope i don't disappoint or frustrate anyone

i hope to be...

unbound.