i'm not quite myself these days. maybe its the periodical emo kid in me surfacing once again. life's boring the hell outa me. how do i put in? everything's just so mundane and uninteresting and surreal. nothing's was what it used to be.

had a really long talk with meizi in cjc canteen. emphasis on cjc canteen because all nice talks i had in the past were in stnicks canteen. those were the times that i really forged some real friendships that i never regretted going all out for. it seems like its so difficult to feel how i use to feel. i hate jc.

i miss my squadmates and creating chaos at the tauhuay shop after cca. the auntie trusted us so much that she left the shop in our care while she went to the toilet. some of the nice human relationships that time can either strengthen or wash away. reminisence. stnicks girls whisper like how people talk, talk like how people shout and shout like how people scream.

struggling to hold on to some things that i used to have. desperately grasping at straws for survival. things aren't as geniune as they seem nowadays. where were the times when i could just tell my friend straight in the face no matter how offending it was because my friend just knew it. just like that. no need for words for talk is cheap. only comfortable silence and occasional looks to convey messages. how nice the used-to-be. now, its no longer this way. nobody in jc has given me the feeling that we can be friends for a long time like how stnicks has. i don't like the facade where people parade paper masks.

i'll die without friends and similarly i'll go all out for them. but its hard to break old barriers and trust easily. i don't like to and i don't want to. what's more, nobody even bothered to try. i should just be contented with the few who have and succeded. i love you my friends and i know we'll stay this way no matter what. because that's how we're, open and honest. no acts no frills, just us.

its tiresome to grow up. no wonder michael jackson wants to create a netherland where time stands still. i need time to retreat into my shell before emerging with a bundle of energy again. guess i'm just stressed out. i don't like people to think they know how i think and feel when they don't, at all. its obnoxious. what makes them assume that what they see is what i'm feeling? jerks.

oh no im in my bitch fit again. mr kang seems shocked that i know about books that he talks about. do i look stupid or do i look like im an empty airhead? again another facade. but whatever.

huixian (if you're reading this): don't feel so bad. let's just move on and work even harder to prove all the bastards out there that we're worth it. sounds cheesy i know but SO?! remember the story of lindo jong, the art of invisible strength.

ann lee (if you're reading this): what happened to the late night calls? i'm getting irritated when i'm trying my best to at least have some form of contact with you but you just... someday i might just give up you know.

aubrey lee (if you're reading this): you have MIA-ed for a long time. wth?

qingqing (if you're reading this): i miss you singing to me when i'm emo-ing. come back please.

squadmates: i love you.

-30yrs down, we'll still be having high tea like how we used to together-