my name rocks LAH

2010-08-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

trying out my skills at essay writing. the last i wrote was in the stone age. beware, boring post ahead.

men and women share one essential experience in life: each has resided in the womb of a female. no matter what our differences and how wide the gulf of gender, culture, race, class and time, all of us are women born- everyone has a mother. to have lived inside the body of another is a profound and unfathomable circumstance.

a mother, on the other hand remembers all too well what it feels like to have another human being share her body. we are blessed with the long and slowly unfolding knowledge and sensation of carrying life inside us. this remarkable process gives us not only an acute awareness of the connections between all living things, the responsibility inherent in creating life, its fragility and magic but also the pain and sorrow of existence, the fear and reality of loss.

yet the physical feat of conceiving and growing a baby and giving birth grants us only an added insight into what it means to be a mother, a few extra points for effort and experience. we can by no means claim an exclusive territory on mothering, for mothering, nurturance and caretaking are practiced in countless ways by men and women, child and adult, parent and non-parent alike. from a child nuzzling a younger sibling to a college student helping an underprivileged youth, or a bachelor volunteering at a hospice- we are each mother to us all.

and yet being a mother can render a woman invisible in society, can limit her career choices and advancement, and even diminish her own sense of herself. nowhere is this more apparent than in the realm of travel literature. (ok, random, no link jump)

search the book shelves of libraries and you will find volumes and volumes of travel literature. you will discover very few that depict women travelling with children or experiencing in themselves 'mothering' ways, nurturing others or engaging in other women's mothering experiences. this omission implies that having children and journeying are incompatible.

most women in travel literature 'leave behind' motherhood, children and family ties when they travel. (not that it doesn't apply to men travellers but i'm talking about women here) women travellors are generally portrayed as childless, solo adventurers- rootless, tough, fearless, competitive and assertive. do women really become men when they travel? is it necessary for a women to shed her uniquely feminine attributes in order to venture beyond her doorstep?

women of all ages are travelling in unprecedented numbers to places near and far, alone, in groups, with babies on their hips or aging mothers on their arms. women have learned that being a mother is one the greatest assets a traveller can have- it makes connecting with other women much easier and in some situations, can provide a patina of respect that can ward off unwanted advances.

despite all the talk about travel being unsafe for women, we have, in fact one significant advantage when we travel- we can go to almost any country in the world and look another woman in the eye and not be intimidated or intimidating. we catch a woman's eye across an aisle or a table, then perhaps a smile or a nod, and we're sharing stories or photos of our loved ones.

almost every woman travellor (i'm generalizing) will tell you that the second question asked of her when travelling is invariably, 'how many children do you have?' (i'm assuming again). The first of course is 'where are you from?'

ok i'm bored. bye.

2010-06-29T07:39:00.001-07:00

He is like me.

He has taken after me.

He is growing up.

I wonder is that good.

2010-06-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

ok im SERIOUSLY damn pissed now which i havn't been so for a long time. just let me rant.

tomorrow supposed to be summer league but i just knew today, like Saturday 2146hrs, that match will be postponed to wednesday instead. ok it's not exactly that last minute but anything that's not informed at least 3days before hand to me is considered LATE. i'm sorry but i'm extremely busy and my schedule usually runs back to back to back.

despite it being a sunday and fathers' day tomorrow, i was all geared up and totally prepared to go down and play seriously because i chose frisbee to be my cca in poly and obviously i'll commit to whatever i choose. i even quarrelled with my parents over fathers' day celebration just so to make it down for frisbee BUT ALAS!

it wasn't even that my team leader informed me that match was postponed but me, being gan chiong spider me had to go ask what time to assemble before even knowing that the match was postponed. if i decided to not to be irritating and not ask, i would have made my way all the way down to freaking sengkang to see an empty and perhaps muddy field.

and he says that it was announced the last training. however, what he did not know was that turnout for training during holidays, especially holidays for me is damn difficult cause i've got ALOT OF COMMITMENTS! yes i chose to commit to all of them and i will find time for all of them. stjohn, odac, frisbee. anyone of them is enough to take up all my time but i chose to devote time to all. it sorta kills me a lil' to know his indifference to my attendance for league.

guess what? i just met up with javis, the only one who will meet me all the way at yishun to practice my throws. i know goddamn well i suck but i'm trying my best. and here comes this can't really be bothered ... i know it was my fault that i didn't find out about the latest updates but as team leader, shouldn't he inform his team members of the latest updates as well? communication phail! epic phail!

despite them repeating over and over again to check the frisbee blog for the latest updates, there still isn't any updates about the postponed match tml at saturday, 2159hrs. i understand that whoever that updates the blog may be busy but how long does it take to update? come on, people's schedule depend on these updates and i totally cleared my sunday just for league when i have got 2camp briefings and lots to study.

it may be a little overboard for me to be so pissed but i am! i especially hate it when people give themselves excuses to be lousy. didn't do just say didn't do and apologise la. i would have then felt extremely guilty for making him feel bad and just get over it quickly. but... whatever.

one more time. i'll try.

communication must be impeccable. lesson learnt through someone else.

i sincerely thank you too for giving me a life lesson. not sarcastic, but seriously.

-when the world fails you, stand up and raze them down-

2010-06-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

SHOUT OUT TO THOSE WHO READ MY BLOG>>>

I NEED/WANT CRABTREE AND EVELYN 'S FRAGRANCES AND LOTION!

ANYBODY WANTS TO SPONSOR OR CHIP IN?

I'M TOO BROKE TO GET IT FOR MYSELF.

AND MY SKIN CONDITION IS LIKE SAI NOW!

OH! I WANT THE ROSE SCENTED ONES OK :D

terih ma kasi!

2010-06-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

i hate it when people stereotype me. i don't deny that i don't do that but i just hate it when they do it to me. i hate it when people, like my mum, harps on my mistakes. like really minor mistakes and she'll go on talking about it for days.

i'm so sick of explaining myself to the rest out there who stereotypes. somehow it hurts to know what people think and expect me to behave is so dissimilar to who i actually am and how i actually will act. and when i act according to who i am, they get surprised/shocked. it's not a nice feeling and i don't like it. it just shows that most out there don't really take the time and effort to get to know you well enough. i'm really appreciative to those who do.

sometimes i do spastic things, which in my opinion are perfectly normal things, to cheer people up. but nobody actually notices when i'm sad or not in a relatively sociable mood. they continue expecting me to always be cheerful and upbeat and i will just so to not disappoint people or make their day worse.

i can get tired too.

and btw, i think talking is a chore. especially when i have to interact with strangers, sharing superficial comments. i immensely dislike it but i know i have no choice but to do it. i really do try my best to be a good and nice person but it really frustrates me at times that i just wanna tear my hair out. i have to rein in my temper and talk really nicely to someone whom im absolutely ready to explode at and it makes me sick to know what a snake i am.

cause when i do that, what's going through my mind is that flaring up at this person will do me no benefit and i in turn may lose something advantageous. i hate it that i'm such an opportunist. but this is life.

it hurts it hurts it hurts! i don't wanna put on the facade any longer but if i tear it down. i think i'll be the most hated person around. so i can only hope.

i hope most like me for who i am now

i hope the rest like the facade me

i hope mr lim is proud of me

i hope i don't disappoint or frustrate anyone

i hope to be...

unbound.

2010-06-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

my previous post was like woah, eons ago. i seriously doubt anyone reads this trash now but if you still happen to chance upon this place *clears cobwebs* give me a holler yea :D

i hope i havn't lost touch with my writing skills as school nowadays don't exactly expect me to churn essays and i havn't been visiting this abode, obviously. long post ahead.

i never had the problem of standing up for my friends. never found it difficult, never found it odd to be the only one with a differing opinion and never found it difficult to just walk away from people i dislike or do not take an instant liking to. yes i absolutely agree that i'm a judgmental freak but so? no matter how much i judge my friends, i still do accept them for who they are and sincerely love them with my whole heart. Do note that that only applies to people i consider my friends, and that's not a very wide circle of them. i don't buy the crap of people being totally open or free of judgement cause that just indicates that you either don't have a mind of your own, without any values and beliefs or in a more positive light, you're a saint. and saints, are boring people.

i believe that once people are open to constructive judgments, they improve a whole lot more than people who are closed-minded. that brings me to my point of being close, but not closed to the people and things around you who are always willing to judge you critically and help you in your journey of becoming a more perfect being. yes i still believe that nothing is perfect, but i do have my own yardstick of perfection. Normal bitchings, not malicious ones are the best grounds to learn about yourself. You learn ever so much more about how and what other think about you and 90% of the time, the bitchings have a certain basis of truth to it.

In an attempt to prevent all my paragraphs from starting with ‘I’, I started with in an attempt to :D haha lame. Anw, be sure to be unaffected by extra people who pretend to be able to psychoanalyse people god-damn well and start poking their affected noses into your business. Such people generally have an idle mind with nothing interesting to keep them occupied for them to try stick a foot in your lives. Beware, for they inflict the most damage especially with untruths and their screwed-up perceptions of who they think you are. It’s generally difficult to turn a blind eye/ear to such but nonetheless essential to do so.

I do know that I’m an odd and extreme person who isn’t the easiest or most interesting person to hang out with. That I do not deny but however, I’m glad of the fact that I make no attempts to hide my temperament from the rest of the world. It makes it so much easier for me to discern my friends from, the rest. Those that genuinely like me for whatever crappy shit I am, naturally will come to me and these are those whom I will always be in contact with. I call them friends. I’ll plow through shit for them and duh, obviously I’ll judge them yet still love them for who they are, as I’ve already said. Pardon my use of language as I usually do not concur with the use of profanities but due to a lack of a more suitable substitute, yea. Nobody fucks with me and gets away with it and such a great theory applies to people around me that I care for as well.

I don’t really see the need to get worked up or aggressive over most things in life. Generally, I think I’m a very chillax person who doesn’t really flare up but once whoever with the balls or the lack thereof it happens to tread on my toes, haha gg to you. Sounds so ya-ya but ya true. Piss me off real bad and you shall see. Havn’t erupted in ages and hope the day doesn’t come soon. I usually don’t regret what I say/do in a rage but still, I’ll feel real bad after that and more often than not, my relationship with that person can never be salvage. That is also why I keep my very best to keep eruptions at bay.

ok I shall stop here for now. This is getting a lil’ too angsty and it’s affecting my mood. I’ve got a whole lot more of projects to chiong and I can’t afford to get into an introspective mode. My parting to whoever that reads this post will be to love thyself for who you are unless you really have major character flaws that even you yourself cannot come to terms with, then change. I feel blessed for having people around me who still love me *blushes* despite being such a bitch, freak and lousy person that I am. Have faith in who you are and the people that really like you for that will come knocking. If not, there’s always me and me truly, if you don’t mind have a dormant volcano as your friend! Thank you very much and I love you.

cheers :D

-never procrastinate to be a great friend-

2010-03-14T03:43:00.000-07:00

haha like xian, i seriously doubt anybody reads my blog anymore. it's getting stale in here!

i've got alot to rant but i cannot eloquently put my thoughts into words now.

so ciaos!

i love you a million peirre! really.

2010-02-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

I LOVE YOU XIAN!

if you happen to read this (:

2010-02-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

frankly i'm so bored nowadays that i absolutely go into zen mode!

i'm sick of going out.

i'm sick of reading too much.

i'm sick of topping up my ezlink card now that there's adult fare.

i'm sick of spending too much money.

i'm sick of letting my mind rot away.

i'm sick of being too lazy.

i'm sick of having too many things to do.

i'm sick of having nothing to do.

i'm sick of being sick.

ARGH! i don't know what i want!

stop it olivia! stop being a bloody bitch and get a grip on your life!

useless piece of excretory product. it's time you stop being woman and start making up your mind!

STOP BEING OLIVIA, OLIVIA!

yea right.

2010-02-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

One of my best-friends' birthday- but of course I secretly took this photograph from facebook because it looks pretty and natural to me :)

Happy 19th Foong Sheng, I hope you see this! I hope you like guys and not girls and stop providing free touching service to all the old/young tikos out there. It's quite ironic to know that we don't really have any photogrpahs together despite knowing each other for more than a decade omgzxzx, next time we shall take one-I promise :) It's been nice growing up with you and so far, you are the only one who proves to be somethings just never change- I still love the same Olivia who always laughs with me and listens to my deep down problems. May you use your youth wisely to impact the lives of children/kids/malays/kids from dysfuntional familes/mentally-disabled children, I wish you allllllllllllllllllllllllll the best. With so much love, MY VERY MATURE FRIEND :-D

i was seriously really touched when i read this. it meant a lot more than presents and the cursory birthday greetings i get from acquaintances. its been 13yrs and going and i really hope that i can keep this friend for life.

sometimes, the older one gets, the harder it is let go. true friends are harder to come by and lasting friends become a rarity.

i'm scared as result day draws nearer. i just got news that suzanne got conditional offer into imperial college and here i am, worrying if i can even make it into a local university. i get secretly stressed out when i have geniuses as friends and i'm just a mediocre student with lower than average results. especially when they start planning for their futures when mine's so bleak and uncertain, i have to try very hard not to go into my emo mode when they start talking about high aspirations.

10yrs down the road, i wonder who will really come out on top. not the qualifications i'm sure, but that definitely helps to open many doors. if i fail to qualify, i wonder what does the almighty have in store for me. i really wanna do medicine or at least be in a line where i can truly give and help people. or perhaps, help to touch their lives little by little in whatever ways i can.

now, i'm really happy for suzanne but utterly depressed for myself as well. it's tiring to have to live up to expectations when you habour no false hopes or delusions about your impending doom. let's pray that the fall will not be too harsh on those around me and i can take this fall with grace. on another note, let's hope that i do not fall at all (: i don't think i can meet the accusing eyes of my parents if i ever do.

sometimes, the more you love and care for the people around you, the harder it is to live your life. but that's my life and i cannot complain. at least i have people who care for me and that's all i ask for. tyvm to all. the 'advice' i'm giving now, i hope it helps. really.

i feel like crying now for the sheer fun of it but it's inauspicious to do so on cny. so ciaos peepos and last word, mr lim still has the ability to make me cry with every little thing he says. one person who's little actions have impacted me in a very big way.

2010-01-31T08:52:00.001-08:00

ok even though i havn't packed my camp bag and feel that i should go to bed now, i have this sudden urge to blog.

john's going into army and there goes my camp buddy ): hais i guess i'll have to find a new one now since he's gone! it's a sudden realisation which dawned upon that most of my better friends are boys. it's so saddening because i don't get to go into army with them and i miss out on so much ): argh i feel so ... to see the boys around me going into army.

this is the transition stage yet strangely enough, i feel really lost and bewildered. things are happening too quickly and spiralling out of control for me. i cannot grasp hold onto things which i always wanted to hold on to and my environment is morphing too rapidly for me to be comfortable with. i feel withdrawn and undeniably, scared.

camp's sapping my social life and messing the safe sanctuary which i know i can always fall back on whenever i lapse into such periods! this is real tough to go through mans! friends are pissed cause i miss their birthdays and my timing clashes with everybody elses. moodswings are secretly terrible and i can experience my highest and lowest in a matter of hours. i'm perpetually tired and burnt out not because of camp but because of i don't know what.

somehow i feel like a stranger and intruder everywhere i go. i never really fit in properly, yet i'm not really excluded. neither here nor there and it's really starting to get to me cause i feel really insecure.

maybe i'm just a control freak who needs to be put into place.

2010-01-02T05:14:00.000-08:00

oola all! i'm back from baaa-taamm!

woots lotsa cheap shopping mans! seriously, if you know how to slash price!

yes i got my dolce gabbana for 9freaking bucks!

can you believe it?! it's selling for 100plus bucks here and i got it for 9?!

thank you so much for all the new year messages sent by all you lovelies! even though i got them 2 days late cause i don't have auto roam in batam, i still appreciate them alot. even though it was just a simple msg, i think if you're one of those who do not mass send such messages, by me receiving them is already an honour and reaffirms our friendship. that's something very nice to know.

if you're one of those who mass send these messages, it is always nice to know that i'm still in your contact list then (: i think personalized, messages from some of you were really sweet and made me wanna cry. flashbacks of events that happened in the past yr just popped up like comic strips and 2010 is just a continuation of our lifelong friendship.

it seems that as you grow older, greeting messages are only sent to people who truly mean something to you. i myself admit that i havn't sent a single one this year, except to reply sincerely to some of those who sent me. nonchalent? indifference? idk.

i'm in charge of dorms for st margaret camp ): i guess that's a really boring and zuo bo role but i havn't exactly been proactive and outstanding in my performance. so i guess i deserve it. ohwells, nonetheless, once given, i must still do my best to do my job well ):

i wonder what 2010 has in store for me. it's no longer easy to talk about things with my friends now. even my closest ones. increasingly difficult. yes i'll listen to whoever that needs a listening ear but my own inner turmoil are hardly ever put into words. i really don't know why and i think this is very unhealthy and antisocial.

somehow i always judge a person before giving second chances or even any chance at all. it's hard to find someone who's exactly at my frequency and if i can't, i don't bother trying at all. it's easy to lapse into my own microscopic world and sit back and view the rest of the world do their thing with a sort of detached feeling. its sorta scary if you ask me cause i try hard to get out of this rut only to fall back in seconds later.

i feel i havn't been a good enough person by my standards and i hope in 2010, i can strive to be the idealistic me because the realistic one is way too unlikable and hard to get along with. let's hope i can revive the positive, upbeat me i used to be and get rid of the current negative, cynical one. oh and also the easy tears that can just come with a snap of the finger!

behold 2009 and welcome 2010. i still wanna thank those that stood by me despite me being not very entertaining/interesting company, whiny, negative, cynical and judgmental friend that i was. thank you so much and let's keep the little light in our hearts burning bright, together.

-the need to be normal and accepted-

2009-12-28T06:03:00.000-08:00

ok i'm here to scold people again.

first was AO, now Inno.

it's damn annoying when they tell me things last min.

just show how horrible the organisation is

and it pisses everybody off.

especially my parents.

now, because i cannot attend the briefing, i cannot do the camp

and i wanna attend the briefing,

which then disrupts my family holiday plans

and pisses my parents off, majorly

2009-12-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

oh no i think i'm stuck in a rut again!

i can sense that it's coming...

it's gonna be another who likes who thingy,

which absolutely gets on my nerves!

ok i shall pull back and not mislead.

this is freaking annoying.

the 2 lizards mating on the wall beside are terribly noisy

and the scene they project is uh, disturbing.

goodnight world (:

presenting to you one of my favourite lullaby:

go to sleep my pretty eyes,

dreams come true.

say goodnight to starry skies,

goodnight to the moon.

sail across the sea of dreams,

to the morning light.

dream, dreams

say goodnight.

2009-12-25T08:50:00.000-08:00

christmas was awesome even though i was grounded at home (:

my aunt just did my nails and it looks ah lian ):

i wanna dye my hair!

ok i feel this is such a shallow post.

but oh wells!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2009-12-14T09:48:00.000-08:00

My sister is sickening.

she keeps taking my clothes without permission and there're so many reasons why that is sickening. and i mean sick-en-ing!

I believe that what you wear will set the tone for how your day will be like. and i usually will know what i want to wear the next day because number1, i usually rush out of the house so i don't take forever sitting in front of the wardrobe contemplating what to wear. number2, i get extremely annoyed when i can't find the exact piece of garment i have in my mide and will end up finding 3 cupboards, mine, my sis and my mum's and it get freakingly annoying that my clothes end on my sister's back when i spent like forever hunting it. best thing is, she doesn't even ask permission!
when i want to wear that particular piece of clothing means i WANT to wear THAT piece and no other. not to say i don't have any other but what i want will also so coincidentally disappear when i want it and then magically appear on my sister! wow. i get so irritated looking for my clothes that it totally starts my day off on a horrid note and leaving the house in a bad mood usually does no wonder for the rest of my day.
it's not as if she doesn't buy her own clothes. no doubt my clothes are definitely way more than hers but so? i mean i don't mind sharing but sharing goes both ways. she always ends up buying some rubbish piece of rag that obviously i wouldn't wear and ya it stays in her cupboard for one year without being touched till the next spring cleaning. and then, she ends up wearing MINE clothes, again. like w.t.f?
more often than not i end up spending my money on clothes and skipping meals while she happily gets her pocket money and goes off gallivanting. come on. i buy clothes for myself, it ends up for 3 people - my sister, mum and of course myself, and i don't even get reimbursed. best thing is my mum complains that i buy too much clothes?! not even many, but much. seriously what is this? how about go tell your second daughter to get some decent piece of cloth for herself so i can end up buying less and maybe, 'sharing? i totally refuse to even look at the hideous things she and her kuku brain buys. doesn't matter anyway, her clothes are meant to be kept in the cupboard. 'like what? a bright green spaggetti top with brown circular designs? not everyday is save-the-earth day yo?
and i seriously seriously hate it when she always criticises the things that i buy but then always ends up wearing them like it absolutely normal for her to do that. which sane person actually criticizes and then wear what you criticize?! for what i ask?
when she searches for clothes in my cupboard, she actually messes up the sequence of things in it. sorry to say that i have OCD but yea keep hands off my things because i'll know it if you so much as to shift 1 t-shirt. and then it messes up all my order and i have to find everything all over again. i don't have the luxury of time every morning because i'm so goddamn tired and in a mad rush.
damn it i cannot let it go throughout the day when i don't get my way. i'll blame every single thing that went wrong on wearing the undesired clothes and the frustration builds up throughout the day. it's gonna give me high blood pressure or heart attack la.

this must be the oldest child syndrome of extreme selfishness.

but it irks me so when people mess up my day.

and to start a good day off, you must have the correct clothes with the correct gan jue.

and i wholeheartedly believe in that.

i'm a bitch.

but so be it.

2009-12-13T05:03:00.001-08:00

they are back.

i won't have to imagine what they're doing over in indonesia while i'm stuck here.

i love them.

i love mr lim.

2009-12-07T19:11:00.000-08:00

If i didn't know what a large chunk of my heart he will take when he leaves,

i know now...

puffy eyes today, again.

this must stop...

i hate it that i'm so freaking affected

but i just don't know how to stop it

good tears are good,

only when they don't empty themselves continuously from your tears ducts.

because when that happens, everything else is just irritating

i annoy, myself.

2009-12-02T03:57:00.000-08:00

my mum, has officially gotten to my nerves now.

she can dream about having a response from me now.

2009-11-30T05:52:00.000-08:00

i swear i ate so much today that i'll just die from fats overdose.

and i ate curry twice today!

gosh my tummy hurts!

i'm so happy to see who i saw today [:

i love people who can make me smile and feel at ease.

there's no need for fronts and pretense

and even senseless ramblings are infinitely enjoyable.

i'm very pleased.

2009-11-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

chick vs dick is freaking funny i tell you!

i think kaykay is pretty

and both dick and her have got chemistry.

it's interesting to watch their retarded acts la (:

ji jian li if you're reading this,

i've got a score to settle with you!

call my house.

2009-11-29T06:25:00.001-08:00

kns my dad stopped me from drinking beer?!

!@#$%^&*((*&^%$

sometimes i wonder what will happen if i suddenly sprout a string of vulgarities.

-muses-

2009-11-27T06:12:00.000-08:00

shopping from monday to friday!

super shagged and legs super tired!

monday to thursday, helping other to find prom dress.

today finally productive!

spend super alot of money ready.

i need a job!

any job lobangs people?!

2009-11-22T08:03:00.000-08:00

stubby fingers, rosy cheeks, noiseless kid,

oh-so-cuteeee

2009-11-21T20:04:00.000-08:00

omgzzz this is freaky!

yesterday night my sister said that she came into my room to off the lights.

and i woke up and started scolding here.

best thing is i don't even have any recollection of it mans!

and my mum once mentioned that she lock up the window grills at night

so that i won't jump off the building when i walk around the house at night

AND i didn't even know i do that!

haha this is so cool! maybe tonight i'll walk downstairs and have supper at the 24hr coffeeshop,

without even knowing it again! -chuckles-

j1 xp today.

hope all goes well for them.

let's say this is their story to tell and their pages to colour.

i feel so... nostalgic now.

-heavy sighs-

i havn't talked to many people in a long time.

time to do some catching up and seriously just, talk.

i wonder if mr lim wants to talk to me.

-muses-

but i've got nothing to say to him (:

this is such a random post.

i love you peeps!

-big, wet, sloppy kiss-

2009-11-20T23:53:00.000-08:00

correct me if i'm wrong,

but i think that dedication is for me.

isn't it?

2009-11-18T17:20:00.000-08:00

my mother said i peeped at a boy,

because i have a stye in my eye.

i read shuh's blog and like her,

i'm on the verge of tears at almost everything.

i should learn to be stronger too.

i think it's quite irritating that people keep seeing you cry,

i really do try to control and not let them see

but the control's slipping since the beginning of prelims

and my mood swings are terrible,

yet i have never thought of being suicidal,

despite all the other depressing thoughts.

my oh my,

i can't stand myself now.

so much about me, me and still me,

little about the much vaster world.

i await with bated breath the end of this -points wildly-

and pray for cessation of time for next april to never arrive

in the name of the father, and of the son, and of the holy spirit,

amen.

2009-11-17T04:36:00.000-08:00

2009-11-14T03:30:00.000-08:00

maybe i should just convert my blog into a online shredding forum where i tear people into tiny shreds.

i think i'm quite good at that. scolding people.

-refers to posts in july/august-

peace!

2009-11-07T21:59:00.000-08:00

To all my lovelies out there,

Good luck and stay strong! Idk what else can I say but i guess you get my drift.

I love you all!

Happy 18th Birthday Baby!

Happy 18th Birthday Qingqing!

Happy 18th Birthday Tan weiting!

Happy 19th Birthday Lao gong!

Happy 18th Birthday Zheng KaiXin!

The 5 very important people in my life, of which 3 are taking their As and stressed ttm, 1 is in university and the last one is waiting for us to be free.

don't worry, foong sheng qi hasn't forgotten the important people in her life despite everything and i promise I/we'll celebrate your birthdays after As alrighty! loves!

AI NI MEN DUO DUO!

2009-11-03T20:15:00.001-08:00

puffy eyes, flushed cheeks, dry lips

and boomz...

2009-10-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

Mr Pink Whistle, I have a wish...

walk the treacherous path,

breathe the crisp, biting air,

brave the frightful blizzard,

with...

and we'll still emerge, elegant as ever...

thank you Mr Pink Whistle.

2009-10-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

my mum, is un-describeable

she's just zzzwthomgzzz...

2009-10-12T04:49:00.000-07:00

courage?

the ability to pick yourself up and still put on a brave front despite being snubbed so blatantly in the face, so many times.

so many goddamn times till you actually feel...

never placed myself in such compromising, pauper position.

so why make me now?

and no matter how hard i try, there'll be people out there who doubt me.

doubt my efforts,

doubt my perseverance,

doubt my determination,

doubt my passion,

doubt my intensity,

doubt my everything!

but what hurts the most,

are the little things that mr lim do.

never fails to stab me straight into my very soul.

i wonder if he knows i have the ability to hurt too.

to writhe in pain that the false face must hide.

very much.

and i refuse to share what i'm thinking or doing

because i don't want to be doubted

or bestowed with skeptical, dirty looks.

for those who say they do believe,

i wonder to what extent true is that.

for i'm starting to have self-doubts myself.

just say, i'm weak.

and un-odac-ish.

and can't see the big picture.

and shallow.

and lastly,

un-special.

-the axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers-

2009-10-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

I've got 2 offers to pay for my air tickets.

But my daddy is still not budging.

I'm sad and exhausted from such fights,

And I won't let anyone pay for my tickets.

Do I really see the big picture?

Sometimes i do ponder.

Being selfish hurts.

I want some eye mo now.

2009-10-07T04:47:00.000-07:00

so said Albert Einstein,

"Only a life lived for others, is a life worth living"

but i think i need to question, do others live for me?

i want to sleep...

2009-10-02T08:44:00.000-07:00

order?

2009-09-28T06:08:00.000-07:00

quick one before i get back to work. 2 unexpected things happened today and forget about the fact that a got an S for my econs.

1. was in yishun library when a grandpa and grandson pair sat in front of me. the grandson was so obnoxious, pummelling the grandpa and coercing him to do his homework. I stand corrected, english homework. i felt so bad for the grandpa cause obviously he doesn't know english and the grandson was screaming at him.

so, grandpa had to ask me what is an adjective. goodness gracious me, I DIDN'T KNOW! dang returned everything to my primary school teacher. luckily edmund knew and ok the worst was over, so i thought. THEN, grandpa gave up and asked me to teach grandson his math homework. i was like okayy... you want me to teach you grandson, a kid? a brat? math? seriously, you gotta be kidding cause i so totally hate kids. nonetheless, being hypocritical, i taught. of course he didn't dare to scream at me, or else, i'll make him lose his milk teeth.

being a well brought-up singaporean multi-faceted boy, obviously he thanked me really nicely and haha grandpa said in hokkien, heng ah. i'm, so brave.

2. on the way home in the sbs bus, i was standing at the circular thing that connects the 2carriages of the bus together. please say you know what i'm talking about. anyway, the bus was going really quickly and i was very happy cause this means i didn't have to stand long. here comes this ahbeng-but-not-beng looking guy who stood opposite me. everything was fine until...

when the beng-lookalike was reaching his stop, he made a move towards the door, however, as i mentioned earlier that the bus was going real quick. a sudden sharp turn brought him damn close to me, to my face. seriously damn close until my forearm just needs to form a 30degree angle with my elbow then can touch him kinda close. duh, me being me, got a freaking huge shock and unthinkingly, my arm just lashed out.

haha this is the funny part. i flung his glasses off his nose onto the floor and once again, as the bus was going real quick, the glasses started sliding everywhere! omg, i was so sorry that i went after his glasses and he, obviously went after his own glasses too la. so we were like 2 retards trying to catch the drifting glasses and haha he missed his stop.

i really, really tried damn hard not to burst into laughter but i failed quite terribly. i almost died trying but it was really too funny ready. so i was like some idiot laughing and giggling to myself on the bus while he is trying very hard to ignore me and try not to laugh as well?! gosh super eventful bus trip. i hope i meet this beng again on the bus and i'll make sure i pretend that i don't recognise him. like i can ever forget.

ok that's all for today. study hard yo peeps!

2009-09-22T03:57:00.000-07:00

producing body movements to resemble dancing...

2009-09-22T02:45:00.001-07:00

I just ate the bitterest bittergourd, ever.

2009-09-17T19:03:00.000-07:00

ok this is seriously freaky. another random guy which i cannot remember AT ALL from last year's nike run just msg-ed me asking me how i am.

this is annoying. it's as though my number's some magic combination of something. last year it was this branson or brason guy that totally urghed! me and today this joel person popped out. like i know who the hell he is!

at least this joel person sounds more refined than branson/brason and he doesn't TYpEe LiKeEe tIssS...

hmmm maybe this is how people keep in contact and er... make friends?!

2009-09-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

race, doesn't matter when we are young.

so why does it matter, so much, when we are older?

2009-09-15T22:22:00.000-07:00

I wonder if they would shut their bloody traps if i shoved my books into their gigantic holes. probably not i guess, but oh wells they really irked me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think results can be simile-d to one's character degeneration. in primary school, thing were less discombobulating and people generally had higher moral etiquette. black was just, black and white was of course, not cream. people were scoring 85marks and above to obtain that darn band1. and i, bloody hell had to score 95marks and above for every single subject, as regulated my mummy. i did, till p5 (:

in secondary school, getting Bs were oh well, okayyy... not that fantastic but not too bad either. things start getting a little less straightforward. at least in my case, in my school. nothing was that apparent any longer either. but life was still passable, even sinfully enjoyable. people were not as naive but still conventionally innocent.

in JC, woah, corporeality starts sliding, escalating into a massive landslide. attaining Es, Ss, Us, were just, oh-again?! not to say indifference but such occurrances did not happen just once in a blue moon. likewise, haha, homosapiens around you undergo metamorphosis. check your pulse yo. jaded-ness and whatever.

ok no mood to write ready. bye.

2009-09-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

I abhor it when Chinese proclaim that they dislike chinese. it's absolutely disgraceful and total idiocracy. imagine an indian not speaking tamil or a malay not understanding malay?! WHAT IS THIS!

if you're one of those wholly headed out there who thinks chinese is stupid, think again. if you cannot even master your mother tongue, don't think bout mastering other FOREIGN languages. oh mother!

no language is dumb. every language has it's own beauty in it's unique expressions and subtle meanings. if you cannot master chinese and therefore think it's dumb, think again, who's the stupid one here.

i mean i've made the concession that it's alright to not be able to speak perfect mandarin like how little can speak impeccable, articulate english, at least learn to appreciate the beauty and the ancientness of the language. it's here ages before anyone of us were born. respect people, respect!

come to think of it, what's the reference point or the benchmark for a perfect language? The American/British accent for english? Or the Shanghai/Beijing shrr-shrr of the tongue when speaking Mandarin?! nahhh, it's rubbish. I think proper pronounciation of the words without any artificial 'style' in any language would suffice.

back to topic. come on people, embrace your chinese roots while taking advantage of the american circumstances. just like how it is in joy luck club, the best will be to have chinese culture and american circumstances.

i'll smack my brother if he gets less than a B3 for his higher chinese again.

and he's actually scared of me (:

2009-09-11T21:12:00.000-07:00

I think children classics are the best books ever. No doubt adult self-help books or inspirational stories of how people emerge unscathed from adversities inspire us, I think everything still boils down to what's being taught in children classics.

Simple yet endearing stories which encapsulates big morals into the tiny details of daily lives. How apt and ever more applicable then sophisticated and rare occurrances in adult books. The point blanks words and vivid picture somehow evokes more emotions than any bombastic phrasings can even remotely try to.

maybe it only works for me, but it works very well for me. I used to be at a loss when people ask who my favourite author was or what was my favourite book. Now thinking back, perhaps admist the mountain of books i've read, i somehow have lost myself in delusions of grandeur that those books gave me.

I've forgotten the very basic theory that i've gotten from my children classics which allowed me to progress to higher levels of reading and thought, if they are even higher levels of reading at all. My human principles and the traits that moulds my character into what I am today.

The best authors are those who teach fundamentals values of life in their books with the simplest of words. Ironically, straight to the point yet extremely thought provoking. When you're losing yourself in the chaos of today's world, go back to basics, like how you go back to definitions in chemical energetics.

Think and dig out some of the oldest children classics you have in your library. True to what they are, classics never go wrong and never go out of time, for all life forms evolved from a common, universal ground. Children classics actually provide you with the clarity of thought much needed when you're in a dilemma. So simple, but complicated by everything around you.

Now, i can confidently say that:

My favourite author is Shel Silverstein, and

My favourite book is The Giving Tree,

by shel silverstein.

2009-09-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

my sister just sparked my memory on how weird i used to be in primary school.

she reminded me that i punched the schoolbus uncle when he accidentally pushed her.

i wonder if i dare to do it now.

i wonder what took over my brains then.

of course the schoolbus uncle complained to my mother.

when i asked my mother what was her reaction,

she said she laughed.

why am i so... weird?

what was the bus uncle's feelings when he got punched by a primary school kid?

i really want to know...

2009-09-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

妆

扑上抽离的粉底
画上沦陷的眉

扫上失落的眼影
夹上虚伪的睫

涂上暗淡的唇
再抹上
惆怅的腮红

完美地

在人群中

粉墨登场

2009-08-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

I swear I've got the sweetest friends around (:

though i doubt they'll read this, i shall still blog about it.

I think i would have died without them!

just receieved a call from alicia, super heartwarming.

she called to ask if i was dying or something cause she heard from chuwen.

dang i felt like crying. they do care.

of cos with my daily/periodic dose of entertainment from the boys keeps me sane.

i love my friends!

oh and i pray somebody/something can help mazi soon.

she's so skinny she's barely there now. and she doesn't talk.

even smiling, has become a chore for her.

i forgot to include the random 'i love you' msges from shuhs.

and poor tanxinyi's attempt to ask for a date from all of us.

i went back to stnicks yesterday and of cos that made me a happy girl. went to see mrs tan and i love her so much more than i already did. she's like a mummy to me. used to call and talk to me for 4hrs+ almost every other day when in sj.

she gave me a big hug and said: "bian piao liang le." she said she'll retire and come cj teach me biology last year when i said my bio was dying. she offered to give private tuition at her house but of course i never took her offer because she's the most boring teacher ever. but she's the most caring, gentle and motherly teacher i've ever had. happy teachers' day mrs tan.

it's raining and really dark at home now and tml's the start of prelims!

yet strangely, i feel at peace, ok maybe panicky, and brimming with love to pass around.

i hear my neighbour's windchimes clinking madly, doors and windows slamming, people shouting to close the windows and keep the clothes, the rustling of the soya bean drink packet my sister's opening and lastly,

ironically, mr lim's voice in my head.

-happy teachers' day to people who have made a difference in my life-

2009-08-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

I like cheryl.

So stop disturbing her.

With genius, comes complexity, suspicion and loss of genuinity.

I talked, I felt and it racked my being.

How something so simple,

can be twisted by the stroke of increased intelligence.

it's...saddening.

Be truthful when you see this, name you own flaws.

I shall start.

Skeptism
Individualistic
Stubborness
Self-centredness
Indifference
Cold

and the list goes on...

name yours, and you'll be surprised that you actually know yourself better than all those personality quizzes.

2009-08-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

it was an untold pleasure an amalgam of riches absent the ambient anxiety we all anticipated that we all dreaded absent overwhelming sadness absent an absence that we all foretold and so reminiscent of the memory of wholeness that we dared not hope for.

we sat at the kitchen table around which there can be no life and over time drank 2 bottles of auchentoshan scotch and retold stories and recreated a history and totally missed my mother's cue when she asked if we needed more scotch.

it was with abiding sorrow that we took our leave and broke up the set

2009-08-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

sian super tired la.

fell asleep in front of the com and idiot peirre took super unglam photo.

yay-ness! my parents are in china! woots!

ok i think i'm going to bed now.

goodnights loves!

2009-08-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

but many have already been lost too long.

2009-08-05T03:34:00.000-07:00

tsk teachers nowadays!

------------------------first scenario------------------------------------------

today while I was helping kenneth with his sit-and-reach, Mr Ha who was taking kenneth's distance, had an extremely weird convo with me:

Him: Olivia! you'll make a good mother!

Me: -gives the -.-?!?! face and orh-ed him.

Him: Got boyfriend or not?!

Me: -stunned, wth?!- Huh! Er... IDK?!

Him: Don't know means got la! -cackles-

Me: ?!?!?!?!?!

to think that he complimented that i grew slimmer and i was really happy. now i think i better stay away.

----------------------second scenario---------------------------------------

while using my classroom for his H1 biology tutorials, Mr Teo tried to act shou2. I was just sitting there minding my own business when he said:

Teo: -to the H1 students- Do you all know how sausages are made?

-goes on and on describing how gross sausages are-

Teo: -after a long story- That's why I never ate sausages since pri4.

Teo: -directed at the unsuspecting me- Oh Ryan loves sausages!

Me: -.-! Er... who's Ryan?

turned out that Ryan is suzanne's brother and they are Mr Teo's cousins AND suzanne, is my friend. ok.... i'm not very interested in knowing if people like sausages or not...

---------------------third scenario----------------------------------------

me to felicia koh during math remedial. she's the best. i love ka-jiaoing her (:

Me: MRS KOH! I LOVE YOU ALOT ALOT! like THIS much -shows hand gesture-

Koh: -gave a what's your problem face- Ok, me too. I'll love you more if you show me the results

Koh: Shit, i'm late for my son's meet-the-parents! ALL YOUR FAULT!

Me: Hmmmm... ok...

Koh: WHY YOU NEVER DATE ME FOR CONSULTATION HUH?! got tuition is it?

Me: No. I ask edmund.

Koh: WHY DON'T ASK ME?!

Me: Errrr... cause I ask edmund?!

Koh: I want you to date me at least once every week.

Me: I LOVE YOU MRS KOH! -makes kisses-

Koh: Oh shut up!

I TOTALLY PROFESS MY LOVE FOR THIS WOMAN HERE! her acid tongue number1 mans! and she's the most stylo teacher I've seen. HUGS HUGS KISSES KISSES!

(and guess what?! she's from stnicks! muahaha!)

2009-08-02T06:53:00.000-07:00

ok the quiz that chester forced upon me. sorta lame actually when i don't even think i know myself well enough for a computer to actually analyse me.

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

2009-07-24T05:17:00.000-07:00

today has been a whirlpool of highs and lows.

enough about the part that i cried in the morning.

here i am to release some pent-up anger and angst that has accumulated over the days and finally tipped over the theshold today.

gosh! how could anyone be anymore self-knowing than that person?! XYZ conveniently takes up by transformation, like a bacteria cell, into XYZ's pompous thick skull of nothingness, that XYZ knows me inside out! XYZ naturally assumes that XYZ knows the every single nitty-gritty details of my life and even had the gall to take a stance against me on what i do?!

like i didn't know better what i do day to day, hour to hour. just because XYZ doesn't see does not equate to i never do. how pissifying can XYZ already get. XYZ needs to get it clear in XYZ's woolly state of mind that not everybody works like how XYZ does.

like a cow.

industriously, labouriously, with no clarity of thought and NOT TAKING A STAND ON XYZ'S OWN LIFE! you think that's cute?! go get your vocabulary built up first before you even wanna tell me what you think of me. for someone who cannot articulate and form proper sentence structures, that's a whole lot of cowshit coming out of your oesophagus. gosh! you just make me wanna foam.

what i couldn't stand was the I-Told-You-So smug look and actual words. because i have a life and you don't doesn't make you anymore noble than, of course, what else but a cow. my condolences to the bovidae that had to be used as an analogy to describe you.

don't tempt me to try erase the obnoxious smug off your face, for I'll kill. with words of course. and with the viciousness of a serpent's tongue, i'll lash out and make sure you're intoxicated with the poison of my tongue for at least a month. i'm jolly able to do that, really well. no point getting physical, for the maximum i'll go to even lay the tip of my pinky on you, is when you're served on a silver platter to me, as steak.

piss off, bootlicker with no mind of your own. go stick your hoof in somebody else life instead of mine, for you're not someone i like to associate or mingle myself with. you know you don't wanna mess with me.

-like a cow with 4 gastrics, it regurgitates, word vomit-

2009-07-16T05:31:00.000-07:00

sobbing grandmother says:

"My daughter is unable to watch her daughter grow up. and we're still unable to make ends meet. when she quarrels with her friends in school, they'll tease her about being an orphan. her grandfather has to make a trip especially down to school, to tell her friends not to call her an orphan because it makes her feels different from the rest. she always feels so sad when she coming home."

wahh the moment i saw this flood ready. sometimes people can be so cruel to another with just words.

just, words.

2009-07-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

As you can see, I'm wholly bored to be excessively blogging.

Handmaid's tale is currently keeping aversion at bay, or trying to.

that's my precise sentiments now.

2009-07-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

ok some neighbour rivalry. *sighs*

apparently my downstairs neighbour is getting divorced.

and i'm the last in my family to know.

my next door neighbour is fighting with my family.

and i'm the last in my family to know.

my next, next door's neighbour's daughter came back from australia a long time ago.

and i'm the last in my family to know.

again.

why am i always the last to know?!

*sighs sighs sighs*

2009-07-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

ok just went for stepfanie sun's concert because nette has free tickets. I heard this song which reminded me alot of some stuff. P, pay attention to the lyrics.

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌

最美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺

haha not bad yea (:

2009-07-10T09:33:00.001-07:00

YES! I FINALLY GOT TO WATCH TRANSFORMER! YES YES YES! FOX IS HOT HOT HOT! gosh ok i laughed and screamed throughout the whole show. kickass!

"I'm directly under the enemy's scrotum!"

and i'm officially in love with chimps, orang utans and gorillas! only these 3 outa the entire apee apee famileee!! discovery channel rocks. boy oh boy (:

cannot cannot i damn high now! SHIAT!

i'm going to get a tattoo when i'm 21. a star of david at the back of my neck (: cldn't find the picture of a perfect star of david so can't show the design here. it's ok I'M CUSTOMISING IT!

my second tattoo will be a sunflower on my inner left wrist. once again cannot find the perfect one that i have in my mind. IT'S OK!

got meaning one ok! oh including the positions i'm going to tattoo (:

ok don't feel like blogging ready. ciaos!

2009-07-09T05:11:00.000-07:00

Hello lovelies! Here's the details for saturday. Oh btw I've been quarantined at home cause one of my friend caught the H1N1 flu bug and i was in contact with him.

Those meeting at 9am at habourfront MRT:

qing
yip
huiying
happy
boonyi
shuhs

Those meeting later:

YuRui [5pm onwards]
Waner [2pm onwards]
Xinrong [11pm onwards]
Leilei [3pm onwards/maybe earlier]

Those eating:

Nette
Yip
Huiying
Happy
Boonyi
Leilei
Xinrong
Waner
*Shuhs
Olivia

Not going:

Tan Siping

*sidenote: nette has 3 stephfanie sun's concert tickets front row seats to give away. apparently its on a first come first serve basis so grab yours if you want! starts at 8pm at Singapore Indoor Stadium. sms nette!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok please dress nicely yea and don't forget to bring your cams! *nette etc* Rmb to bring money for the presents and your meal. What we eating i confirm again but confirm no vegetarian, so shuhs you eating?

if there's any discrepancies in the above info just tag me. Also, tag after you've read so I know k (:

oh since i'm under quarantine, if you're don't feel comfortable with me going just tag me also. so shou ready no need to shy la. as in seriously cause this is serious.

cheers!

2009-07-05T19:15:00.000-07:00

I think the theory of "FREE SIZE" is absolutely warped. This theory came up when I was bored waiting for my friends to try-on "FREE-SIZED" dresses at max&more.

think of it. how come somebody like THAT

&THAT

&&THAT

all fit into the same piece of garment like THAT?!

it's utterly absurd to think that a size, called free size actually can cater to the polar extremities of people's shapes. *pardon me for the hideous dress and ahem... obscene picture.

hmmmm that's something that i've pondered for really long while waiting for the girls to finally be satisfied with squeezing into the ultra claustrophobic fitting room of wisma atria's max&more, trying free-size dresses.

and I was really bored.

2009-06-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

disillusioned.

It's getting so hard that it hurts. I'm getting very, very tired.

I get dreams, unpleasant ones that often jolt me awake in the dead of the night feeling despair and fear.

I'm really scared, and I cannot express it, because it's not expected of me to do so.

I can't deny, I can't hide, and this can only be dealt with in the stealth of the night.

Someday, I'm real frightened that pillars will start collapsing and I'll be buried in the rubble.

But nobody will know, or they'll pretend that they do.

Absolutely nobody will even guess.

And I loathe it when people stare.

-and now, we'll bow our heads and await-

2009-06-04T07:15:00.000-07:00

Today is a very important day for one of my bestest friend ever, Aubrey Lee Zi Ying. It is her 18th birthday today which marks a significant milestone in her life. However, I've accepted that such an impotant day should be spent with her boyfriend, which i have yet to meet and never knew his name. *gosh, really!*

Today also marks the 12th year of our friendship and going. This girl has brought much fun and laughter in my pre-teen years and given me unconditional support during my very trying period of Olevels when my studies was utterly cocked up.

It is ok that we were not as close as we used to be because of circumstances but somehow or another, the occasion meetups and chat is enough for me. it's not a must that we have to be super glue sticky in order to remain friends but somehow or another, we just exist in each others lives.

I want to thank you for being there and i hope today will be a wonderful day for you. I lazy to continue typing.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUBREY LEE!

2009-06-02T07:21:00.000-07:00

i just had an encounter which i'm not sure i'm to be pissed/elated/discombobulated. i think i found a successor for yanru. the phone call was utterly retarded and pissifying.

for god's sake use some brains la! not scolding yanru. that bloody call just lowered my already not very high opinion of you and made me wanna scrunch you up. and to think i thought i was stupid.

ok cease bitching and watch my lee min ho. you're not worth my precious time.

2009-05-30T05:06:00.000-07:00

ok, i'm available for study dates. anyone?

yesterday, i was happy.
but i'm quite sad today :(

and i really really love biao ge!
hearing him talk is, wells like my daddy when he's being normal or unusally intropective.

P is being a retard as usual.
and i love irritating cheryl. maybe the feeling is mutual.

this is so random, but i don't feel like blogging in proper sentences today.
and i think i made boyfriend's day today (:

i need more money and i'm waiting to watch boys over flowers.
i guess i shouldn't continue this senseless twitters.

lee sheng ming if you still don't contact me, watch out.
byebye.

2009-05-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

hello world! i shouldn't be blogging but whatever. i promise this will be the last post this month. recently i feel that i've grown more withdrawn into my little shell. but somehow i don't really care anymore, neither do i feel that it's something weird.

i only talk to the people i wish to talk to and i no longer bother being nice to people whom i think do not deserve it. i think i really should be nicer and more sensitive but somehow i really don't give a damn. i blast people straight in their faces when i think i'm right and they're wrong, i no longer hold back horrible comments about other people that should be kept to myself and worst of all, i don't wanna talk to 3/4 of the people around me, giving them short, curt replies.

is it really me or is it the people around me getting more superficial and shallow? i guess it's me and i really need to try and fit in. i'm being too opinionated and bull-headed in my headstrong thinkings which most probably isn't as right as i think they are. i reckon 7/8 of the people around me don't feel like talking to me too so oh wells.

i'm extremely discontented and unfulfilled in jc but mostly my own doings. i want to get out asap, but get out with good results. yet the future fills me with with trepidation and hollowness of losing whatever fragile things that i think i still have within my grasp. actually i'm in a state of discombobulation currently and i really have no clue to what's wrong with me.

i think it's really about me and the problem is me. just shut my face and live in seclusion to avoid being a burden to others. on a sidenote, just being random, i love my daddy because he seems to understand me without words and i sometimes think my mum is totally hilarious in a retarded way.

take care yap cause i love you so!

-our camping days and friendship true-

2009-05-10T04:53:00.000-07:00

ok i just went to the library with my friend and missed out a family outing. but being my daddy's favourite girl, of course i wasn't left out of the fun (:

daddy being daddy was weird. he has horrible taste in fashion! gosh he bought me this polo tee which is a disgusting green in colour and insisted that i wore it for him. but but but it was really a horrid green that malays paint their walls with!

can you imagine?! gosh my mum was sniggering away when my daddy proudly presented the shirt. note that i said proudly. ok no choice he was quite stubborn about me parading around in the shirt he bought. hais.

oh and you can really see the similarities/differences in character from the food you eat. mother's day dinner was steamboat and there's a pattern how we eat. daddy and my sequence in taking the different food was the same, mummy and sister. first time i noticed such things after so many years of eating steamboat. try noticing next time when you eat with your family.

ok now i'm officially bored. bye.

2009-05-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

my sister just freaking bitched me to the ultimum la! damn angry with her. someday she's gonna piss me off real bad that she's gonna regret ever even thought for crossing my path, and that day should come soon since she's been so guai lan these few days.

one fine day, when the sky's azure blue dotted with cute cotton candy clouds, i'm gonna stretch my hands slowly towards her, circling her slender neck, and poof! i'll wring. then i'll laugh maniacally and cry "ALL HAIL, MURDER!"

-and the clock is ticking-

2009-05-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

ZZZOMGDAWDZZZ!! I'm talking to BINGGUANG online now and i havn't talked to him in like a gazillion number of years mans! SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL!

BINGGUANG LEH!

we used to 'date' each other online when i first learnt how to use msn. HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO! he actually sets a time and ask me to go online so we can talk?! gosh the things we do when we were young and naive man.

oh i remember there was this once i pangseh-ed him and forgot to go online, CAN YOU BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY CALLED MY HOUSE TO ASK ME WHY I'M NOT ONLINE?! but then again, it just struck me how in the hell did he get my house number when we were never in the same class. haha freaking hilarious. and to think that i felt guilty for ps-ing. wow what a bitch i've become.

not bad leh the nice nice feeling still there when I talk to him (: haha long-lost friendship?! i wonder... because i have the blurred impression that he once told me something before... oh wells.

i do have problems initiating or sustaining convos online or in real life but i think with him no problem leh! comes so naturally and the convo flows (: MUAHAHAH! oh no i think i'm overly-excited now. is that bad?!

haha okok i'm one happy girl now! wahhh BINGGUANG TALKED TO ME LEH!!!
lalalalalala~

2009-04-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

I think Mr Lim is a great teacher. period.

2009-04-30T22:06:00.000-07:00

I think we should all pay more attention to the familar yet not that significant people that are every so often present in our lives.

today, I went to the coffeeshop for breakfast with my sister and brother which we used to visit every weekend in the past with our parents for breakfast. but as time passes and we slowly grew up, we no longer visit that dirty but homely place as often anymore.

the noodle stall aunty who has been there forever since I was a primary 4 kiddo actually remembered my extremely fussy order. what was worrying was that aunty didn't look as though she was in the pink of health but instead looked frail and aged. i was too chicken to ask if she was ok for fear of looking stupid and i sorta regret it now. the bowl of noodle didn't quite taste as good as it should have been, with some tingle of guilt and shame mixed in the concortion.

then came the porridge stall aunty to clear the plates away. interestingly, her comment to my sister was, ni3 shi4 da4 jie3 ah? my sister was quite piqued that she was being called the oldest but i was secretly quite happy that i didn't look that old. haha talk about how time changes the way people look.

she moved on to describe how we were when we were little lithe things romping the earth and now we're these big, humongous creatures that have undergone a metamorphasis called, puberty. how the time flies. but not the memories of these stallholders whom, i wonder how many metamorphasis have they seen.

it's the little things in life that makes human, human. things can change and life moves on. but the intrinsic things that people remember you for you, can sometimes be hard to change. in the eyes of my favourite noodle aunty, i'm still the same old 'little'girl i used to be and she still hasn't come to terms that i'm already 18, no longer as little as before.

the refusal for change, can sometimes be a breath of fresh air. embrace this stubborness but accept the inevitable losses. then, entwine all these into memories you'll keep and occasionally reminisce.

-every man's memory, is his private literature-

2009-04-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

okok Les Choristes was freaking good! wahhh sian waterfall sia after watching.
proudly presenting jean-baptiste maunier:

He's just got those super intense eyes. oh mans I can't take it anymore. AHHHHHHH! GO WATCH THE SHOW NOW.

2009-04-23T04:14:00.000-07:00

ok once again i read this:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You've had this special times with your brother, and you no longer have what you had with him. You want them back. You never want them to stop. But that's part of being human. Stop, renew, stop, renew."

I looked at him. I saw all the death in the world. I felt helpless.

"You'll find a way back to your brother," Morrie said.

How do you know?

Morrie smiled. "You found me, didn't you?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

sometimes i think this is the special thing about relationships. you lose them, you find them, then you lose them again. it's ironic how so many fleeting people come and go in your lifetime that it's hard to keep track of all of them. sometimes so hard, you don't even bother.

but the specials ones will always be held close to your heart. wordless communications and occasional meet-ups, real talks and comfortable silences. that's real food for the soul.

these people are hard to come by, but once they come, they're here to stay, deeply entrenched into the very fibres of your being.

i want to face this problem head-on because i treasure you and i miss talking to you. but you always seem too eager to flee at the sight of my shadow. can we please stop this because it's just not right. i doubt you'll read this anyway.

-come back, because I never realised-

2009-04-12T06:46:00.001-07:00

oh great! now my whole family is down with food poisoning.
how convenient.

2009-04-11T22:07:00.000-07:00

They are my reason

2009-04-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

It's suffocating to have to meet up to everybody else's expectations when you suck. I realised i've been doing things for other people, but never for my parents.

my dad stepped in to talk to me about my results. i guess he has been waiting for a moment like this for quite a long while. now that he has finally spoken up, he's a force not to be reckoned with.

my project work grades totally killed me.
i've had many things forcefully taken away from me,
but it's my own doing

i feel many sets of beguiling eyes and disapproving clucks behind my back because i'm expected to perform but have yet to show that i can even pass my Alevels. i feel that i have been a let down. i feel that people are starting to think i'm stupid. i feel so many things that i don't even know what am i truly supposed to be feeling.

now, i feel really down ... and out
weary.tired.sick of things

i want to take this chance to thank Lord for blessing me with so many people who care and are willing to offer a helping hand. but i boldly request now that i need to have a clear, uncluttered mind free of distractions for me to regain my foothold.

it's hard to explain what i'm thinking now.
false face must hide what the false heart doth know.

there's many people i have to live for and i.cannot.crumble. let's just pick up the pieces and move on. gosh i hate this phrase but never dared to tell mr lim.

UNbeatable

-when the going gets tough, the tough gets going-

2009-03-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

please drop me a message to inform me if you ever decide to do something like that again. i'm utterly dense and will not know unless you put it across point blank. thank you very much and i really appreciate it, you know.

i feel so bad because you obviously deserve better. but thanks for all that you've done. seriously, i'm extremely touched.

i feel happier in school nowadays. at least that's what i think i feel. i don't wish to second doubt that because i'll just end up feeling mentally drained once again.

it's tiring to go to school feeling like you have a battle to fight against scheming bitches and nosy parkers who can't seem to not poke their noses into other people's businesses.

but thank god you're always there for me (: years long but i know i can always count on you.

I do not like jealousy
I do not like selfishness
I do not like immaturity
I do not like feeling inferior
I do not like being talked to as if I'm dumb
I do not like disappointing others
I do not like control freaks who try to dictate me around

but I hate.....

people who think they know me extremely well, enough to psychoanalyse me and think they know my every thought and feeling. drop it, cause you ain't P, and you will never truly know.

oh but i'm really happy to see john and deborah happily together (: random but true.

-someone get me a beer, please-

2009-03-11T07:21:00.000-07:00

"Dear Son, I want to thank you for teaching me a very valuable lesson in life by the great example you set.

When we were eating at that cafe in Bondi and a person who ordered his burger didn't have enough money to pay for it, without a moment of hesitation, you leant over and passed the extra $2 on the counter.

When we were leaving, you also threw a silver five-cent coin onto the pavement and said something like, 'Some kid will get a kick out of finding this.'

Last week, a young man ahead of me in the line at a petrol station didn't have enough money to pay for his petrol. I asked the cashier,' How much short is he?' She told me he had meant to put $15 of petrol in his car but had been lookng at the wrong gauge and had put in 15litres, which came to just over $20.40.

Something made me think of you and what you did that night in the cafe at Bondi. I handed the man $6. He was so surprised and said,' But why would you do this for me?'

I just smiled as I thought of you.

'Thank you, son for teaching me that 'it's better to give than receive'.

Now when I see a five-cent coin on the ground and am tempted to pick it up, I think of you and leave it there, just in case 'some kid will get a kick out of finding it'. "

Love always, Mum.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nice right! I read it somewhere.

CTs a.b.s.o.l.u.t.e.l.y screwed.
And for the first time I have no face to tell my parents to expect all Us.

Please let me at least have Es. Please?

2009-03-05T06:23:00.000-08:00

I chanced upon this on Someone's blog:

Today, Somebody sent a msg that warmed me & gave me strength to go on. I almost cried cos so few pple understand. Thank you for always cheering me up with your insanity & your willingness to take on other pple's troubles even when your own skies are grey. I really meant it when I asked you to rest more (even though I wrote it during mahjong xP), it makes me sad when you're sick. You put the smile on my face & I wish I can do the same for you too.

I'm really happy that little things can make a difference in other peoples' days, even when mine sucks ttm.

I really love this Someone alot too, Someone (:
I'll always be there if you ever need me k. We'll definitely have telepipi!

-My magical slide down into the pond of happiness (: -

2009-03-01T03:46:00.000-08:00

I had a super long walk home today because haha the sky and weather was too nice. I love the rustic feel (in a city?) and I really wanna go for xp! I miss the air, the smell, the atmosphere and the mood!

It's just so different during expedition and I feel so super peaceful even though i'm physically very tired.

Oh we started talking again! the awkardness just went poof! i'm a happy girl. i (re)found my best friend! (: (: (: wanted to let you know that i treasure you alot! -shows handsign-

went to make the shirt with monique! medics be excited, be VERY excited! i want all of us to rise together but sometimes i get really exasperated when my point don't get across and you get don't listen.

i know it's boring but i get real scared when i have to talk too ): let's all compromise together and move on. we can do it medics! XOXO! (secret code)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH for i don't know what (: oh lee sheng ming! thank you also for aiya you know what la. i wish you well too (:

-I thank the lord for His daisies and roses-

2009-02-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

Please don't thrust me out to make these decisions.
I really don't know.

I need to sleep.
And think, P.

Please help me.

2009-02-16T06:26:00.000-08:00

Olivia uses judgment to make decisions. She is ruled by her head, not her heart. She is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see her as unemotional. She does have emotions but has no need to express them. She is withdrawn into herself and enjoys being alone.

The circumstances when Olivia does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets her mad enough to tell her off, she will not be sorry about it later. She puts a mark in her mind when someone angers her. She keeps track of these marks and when she hits that last mark she will let them know they have gone too far. She is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All her conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. She is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, she has poise.

Olivia will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. She would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, she will show her love by the things she does rather than by the things she says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because she feels her mate should already know. The only exception to this is if she has logically concluded that it is best for her mate to hear her express her love verbally.

Olivia is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to her, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of her sound judgment. She will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. She will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and she will always ask "Is this best for me?"

Olivia tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Olivia writes tiny all of the time, she will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Olivia will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. she might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When she is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and her ability to focus is incredible. When she says "she didn't hear you", she really means, she didn't hear you.

Olivia will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

Because Olivia has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Olivia is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Olivia is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

Olivia is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Olivia basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

-whirlpool of emotions-

2009-02-10T05:52:00.000-08:00

singapore flyer was well, not as interesting as i thought but company made it REAL fun! peirre was super good la! photos will be up IF i ever receive them, knowing him.

18th birthday was nondescript. spent with the people i love most and rejected everything else. oh wells! sad sad life!

CONGRATULATIONS CJC ODAC! i'm superduperfragilistically proud of teams 1,2,3&4! spent half the day crying my eyes out for all of you, especially when i see how shagged you all looked after climbing! i'm really really happy for you!

but we are some lucky shits too! i believe that the opponents weren't as strong as before but still, god made our hard work pay off (: ALL THE WAY CJC ODAC! post NVM party soon anyone?!

oh btw i think people with really strong character are really attractive. especially duing times when you're crying and inconsolable beyond repair. yay thank you very much ____! i really appreciated your er... don't know how to say la!

-I was dancing with my baby, in summer rain-

2009-02-02T03:27:00.000-08:00

ok some of the many photos!

huihui the loser who turned red after one sip of RED WINE!

waner and pi. waner's pose looks familar (:

BOON BOON my fellow hq partner!

the big happy family without yip, shuhs and PTNCO

the kueh lapis cake happy baked for toh rong and I.

SUPER yong xin la!

ruirui the little indian chick! she's taller than waner now!

TOH RONG RONG AHEM! *coughs*

the mahjong queen with winnings from nette!

XOXO from squadmates!

laogong the flasher (: i love the jacket!

my dearest QINGQING! and her mahjong tower.

YAY this sunday! toh rong organise!

-little pockets of breath-

2009-02-01T05:17:00.000-08:00

i love my squadmates and i'm the happiest when i'm with them!

thanks for the lovely birthday surprise on the supposed annual cny celebrations!
happy birthday toh rong rong! will send out sms soon!

shall upload photos when yap does. i'm a happy girl week.
at least i hope to be.

i'm sorry odac ): my fault and i'll work extra to make it up. i'm really sorry.

-dive in deep down to unlock the secret chamber-

2009-01-26T22:58:00.000-08:00

i read your blog and i cried and i don't know why. i missed out on so much and even still, you guys are willing to accept that and fill me in after every time.

i know i'm not supposed to be doing this on cny but i can't help it. the salty droplets just can't seem to cease when i think back on times when i've let every single one of you down. like super alot of times.

remember our pact thirty years down the road even when the skies won't snow and the sun won't shine, the endless high teas and gossip sessions we'll still hold true.

i think i'm really selfish but i don't wanna let you go. each and every single different one of you. a piece of the puzzle which can only be fitted together to make an everlasting picture.

qing.hap.rong.nette.shuhs.yings.yip.lei. i'll promise to sms still 30yrs later and thanks for everything you've given and more. ILY!

-my reddd badge, my pride-

2009-01-19T06:39:00.000-08:00

i just went to visit a real funky doctor (:
he scolded me, gross.

my sleeping hours = bad.
and apparently i had fever.
wow.

whatever.

2009-01-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

I swear i'm gonna flip if she ever, EVER touches my stuff again! it's FREAKING irritating and pissing when she rearranges my stuff and ends up with me NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND ANYTHING!

today, i found one of my favourite books in the bag together with the stuff that's gonna be sold to garang guni. BLOODY HELL! you throw all my shirts, now she wants to throw my books?!

MY BOOKS!

can you believe it?! of all things she throws, she throws my most, most, MOST precious stuff! My books are my life la! i totally screamed and shouted at her. yes i knew it was unfilial but BLAH BLAH BLAH!

have you ever tried working one whole day of outside thinking that you're so dead because you have so many things undone and you're gonna be in deep shit if you don't do it. you're so intending to rush home and start work immediately but GUESS WHAT?!

YOUR MUM RE-PACKED YOUR STUFF when you told her tons and tons of time to leave your things alone and let them make friends with one another. BUT OBVIOUSLY my mum cannot leave them to their little friend-making session!

WHAM NOW I CANNOT FIND MY THINGS AND MY BOOKS ARE BEING THROWN AWAY!

thanks for the double whammy mum. i'm royally pissed.

-sometimes it really doesn't pay-

2009-01-10T08:30:00.001-08:00

ok the below post sounds cheap and unrefined.

ignore me. i was pms-ing.

2009-01-10T07:35:00.000-08:00

this is something that i've been wanting to er... put into words for a long time. to be in odac exco, you have to first want it bad enough.

wanting it bad enough=voting yourself into exco. ok either i'm insanely delirious or that's really the case. i've had enough bad experience of people holding high post not even lifting a finger to help while people with no post slog their guts out.

so what's the point of that title when its just... a title? the point is, get the work done! vote myself in? not likely possible unless someone can convince me otherwise. i'll help you if you need help, if that's what everyone's talking about.

oh btw, happy 21st victor and happy 18th suzanne! drank like a fish and woke up with a bloody headache the next day.

2009-01-10T06:14:00.000-08:00

boy oh boy. the only thing i like about my work is that i get to go from house-to-house and see their interior design. but the best thing is still getting to see the families and smell the nostalgic childhood scents.

it's nice to go to a family with the door wide open and lotsa of laughter coming out. reminds me of how chinese new years were like when my ah ma was still alive. boisterious, comfortable and real homey!

all these bring back remembrance of my deceased ah ma. i used to be at her place all the time when i was a kiddo because daddy mummy had to work. but i was ok with it. seriously. i'll be there at 7am to watch disney cartoons before going to kindergarten at around 9.

my cousins used to stay over at ah ma's house too so it was always noisy 24/7. my ah ma always made me sleep with her and my guy cousins would sleep in the living room. but being young and impressionable, i would always sneak out in the middle of the night and sleep beside them.

ah ma was really sweet in the old-fashioned way. she thought it was improper demeanor for me to sleep beside my guy cousins. she would carry me back from the living room to her bedroom and the whole night would be spent playing this game.

oh just to add. plain porridge and caixin was the staple after kindergarten each day. it gets really frustrating to eat the same boring stuff everyday (: these happened for many years until she suffered a stroke nearing Olevels.

ok back to work. i feel ancient when i see the little kiddos in the houses. inexplicable but they would like out of the tie men and say hello. some loudly and some hide behind their mummy's skirts. oh just for info, it's always mummy or grandma who open the door.

haiya shall stop here. my mummy's chasing me to bathe ready. later.

2009-01-08T06:33:00.000-08:00

No more talk.
It's all 'bout walking.

victoria secret

2009-01-06T06:00:00.000-08:00

This is my girlfriend on 040109!

And this is my horny sitting partner (:

And we celebrated girlfriend's birthday together (:

I planted a big, fat smooch on her cheek,

took an ugly picture with her,

Before leaving this group early because i had something on, as usual -.-

ok the pang seh kia didn't pang seh that day ok! thanks sean for that little faith you had in me hurr but wells it was kinda erms... well placed?! ANYWAYS,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZHANG YI LING! what i want to say has already been written in that card so yupps (: and sean ong you wait, i'll post our pictures up as soon as i get them. BUT, not without editing them and adding captions of course (: -grins-

-It was enough to overshadow those dark clouds-

2009-01-06T05:52:00.000-08:00

yeye's birthday today. took leave from work and i wonder if i could get leave for tml. -touches chin-

IP MAN is a VERY good show!

I cried.
And cried.
And cried cried cried.

same goes with shuhs and happy. happy is the man, but she cries when she's with us too (: i love you ZHENG KAI XIN!

i seriously need help with homework! anyone willing to date me to teach me? i guess probably not hurr.

WELCOME back peirre!
(:
-cause you're bittersweet, you got me off from my feet-

2009-01-01T19:58:00.000-08:00

here's some photos that i've been wanting to blog for a long time. couldn't really be bothered with their sequence so...

my most trusted gang

the moment i docked in from batam

my favourite cousins!

beloved ANCO

pre-xp bagpack training. i stank after that!

one of the family gatherings at home

the bunch of people during bridage dinner. mr chua cheated me and i turned up in full u! bloody hell!

christams! XOXO

the 08 feb babes (:

I was his camp hero! M. Arjun (:

my favourite odac senior! he's really nice (:

adjam '08 (:

tada i lost alot of photos which i wanna make a scrapbook with at the end of the year ): please send me if you have any yea!
I think i should really get back to work. toodles!

-this endless cycle...-

2009-01-01T09:45:00.000-08:00

New year's party just ended.
Finally.

I've decided to change my blogskin after 3 whole years. I need a 'lil time getting use to this new skin.

New year, new changes.
Hopefully for the better (:

I don't know why but i'm thinking of sarah now.
Sarah from odac

Hmmmm whatever
some random photo i found.

-my newfound strength in the unknown-

2008-12-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

PEIRRE NG SI JIE!

IF YOU'RE READING THIS IN YOUR OH-SO-BEAUTIFUL-CALIFORNIA WITH THE OH-SO-HOT-BEACH-BABES,

YOU
ARE
SO
DEAD!

-yes, turn the knife in your gut from twelve to three o'clock-

2008-12-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

THE PEER APPRAISALS ARE DRIVING ME INSANE!

taking a lil' break now. i'm really falling sick but wells. i've made some new year resolution for 2009 so that i have something to work for and not just waste another year away.

New Year Resolutions for '09:

I will study like how I did in sec2
I will try my best to cultivate self-discipline because i really need it
I will strive to do good runs and aim to clear lvl0
I will spend more time with my classmates and not pang seh them
I want to fit into JC and blossom where I'm planted

here's some of the resolutions i made on my way home in the bus. i don't want '09 to be another wasted year like '08 where i spent such a long time finding my orientation.

its high time i buck up and not be a useless fool lamenting over things that have long became used-to-be. but sometimes i really can't help sinking back in times when things are a bed of roses and i hold these memories closest to my heart.

I shall really try to become a better person. certain relationships with people have soured and things will not be like before. that's one big regret that i left behind in '08 because i believed that things could have worked out between us.

let's hope that by becoming somewhat similar to the perfect being that i've created in my fantasies, things will somehow, someday, get better.

i'm not sorry for what i've done because this time, its you who should jolly well rise from your deep slumber. such times calls for special remedies which only peirre can dish out. come back from california you idiot! for i need you right here, right now ):

-call me stupid, but yes I am-

2008-12-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

diana nai saw me with a guy on christmas eve and naturally assumed that we're together. that's hilarious because the guy happens to be.... MUAHAHAH!!!

i think ah lim's a really funny guy. his emails just own mans!
i'm not feeling too well and my brother might have passed it to me ):

-sorry, i'm an old-fashioned girl-